A little message! - Happy Thursday!

A few moments ago, my heart nearly jumped out of my chest and I practically stopped breathing because I thought I had received an email from someone regarding an opportunity (more like a dream of a lifetime) I’ve been pursuing.

Turns out, what would be equivalent to a filler for my dream, the email informed me that this filler position chose another candidate. 

Just minutes before I even checked my email, I was reflecting on whether my dream still occupied space in my heart or is it my mind refusing to move on from what’s seemingly an in-actualized/unrealized dream. I oscillated between yes and no — just going through the motions of trying to figure out where this dream still stands. I decided I was not going to even entertain this conundrum anymore, and I had my present reality to focus on – my personal life and new pursuits, which led me to check my email. 

As I said before, my heart nearly jumped out of my chest and I practically stopped breathing – I still have the chest pain to prove it, over a misread! A misread! If that isn’t indicative of how much this dream still means to me, I don’t know what does! A simple misread, and I nearly passed out! 😭

This made me realize that disappointment was suppressing the joy and excitement that comes with pursuing your dreams. Thinking about said dream can shift the trajectory of a bad day into a good one. It can make all of the trials and tribulations you experience on your journey seem worthwhile because you know that one day, you’ll be living your dream. 

After a series of I-don’t-know-what-to-call-them (they were not rejections, more like unanswered prayers) of me attempting to actualize my dream, I lost my spark for it. Quitting (or giving up, hence the song) is not my nature, so even if this dream hasn’t been consuming my daily thoughts and feelings, it still resurfaces from time to time. 

Disappointment has blown air into my dream, thus the flame is not as luminous as before, but it’s most certainly still burning – my chest along with it! 😭

Then, this little message came to mind: “When it comes to your dreams, don’t allow disappointment to convince you that you’re disinterested.” 

#writtenbyenyjé